Choice: intimacy or codependency .

 Psychologist, Geshtalt-therapeutist Rodionova shares.

We are all need in close relationships, as for a mental understanding and especial space with partner. Such union is free breathing and lots of pleasures and self-expression. But a most often we are not built intimacy ,  but substitute her on codependency, but in these relations are not having inside satisfaction, with an often  irritability, fault, resentment, claims to partner and wish to remake him, a something not OK with ok, just he is very thin, earning less or much smoking. And he waits me at home, but am not happy. What are true close relations difference from codependency.

As on the falling in love time you are sure ,that to know his all, understand, when he is silences, feeling his wish, mood, as in song you is me, me is you. And not much need to us. You are close crossed, that is true intimacy , what you are waited. But not, on a true, partners are crossed close,that not to see each other as real personality and look through prism an own image  and projections ,give out a desired for actual. As let s look, you are matching to partner and understanding his , and displaying a sweet feeling, as we are close and together , but are you ability to look a partner on this moment?That to see a vis-à-vis. No. And to see this you need to remove a strong catch of hug sand do step back , and this is distance between both and calling intimacy.And   a most often here is happening worry, that every feeling on self a checking and comprehension of seen. And if you are brave for not run away and not leave a worry in hugs , and staying in this emotionally charged place, realize and own feels, minds, wishes , and look a person opposite  with his otherness , to live a shame of an own found non perfection , thus foreward will go a  nice feeling for intimacy and sincerity. When a not need adapting under other, keeping oneself, enjoying for other presence. And not needing in other, as you are feeling a whole, power, self, and decide hard questions.And man need,that with him is more interesting, that his presences are rising your resources, but not for care , protect, support, or other  waits realizing. Who searching partner-function, is knowing about child s love and simple want for self a symbolic parent. And if you think, that you need in partner, as a life meaning ,thus these relations are will break. Everybody here feeling, like in captivity , as in sweet, and later in bitter, painful and with executions. And you can think, that somebody say to you:You are true importance for me! What you are feeling? And if this is Am will hide without you! Which words are causing happy, and which are worry?In a first is freedom, and second is not.  And of course here you can to cajolery, that other depends on from you, and nowhere to go, but happy here is zero. Paradoxical , but if  here a not possible remove from contact and not possible a fully staying here. And in happy relations are share: Just you are not needed for me, but very importance, that we are not needing in each other, like a lame in crutches, and of course are ability an own live, and all ,that is bind just-mutual interest. Codependency marriages are very strong, and a mind about divorces are true hard for theirs. They are keeping for each other, panicky, fearing staying alone. Traditions for supporting a trap for codependency, directing to altar and force swearing for an all life.

But if you're one-day going at home  and looking on his and understand, that you are not want and not can to be with his man, but you are seared, and now is must...

As on intimacy here is other , and formed on the free of choice, where are both negotiate to be together on today, and tomorrow to again make decision by data question. And so, you are everyday doing choice that to keep love this man or not. Yes, here is much risk, but much life s energy. At on close relations are not having manipulations and right dialogue with an open wishes and statements and ready to meet with refusal. Yes, you can to ask, but not to require, and it will be a possible hurt, and bad, but let s give to him a right, to say no.

Love self, and create relations ,where are staying comfortable and save, nutritionally and pleasure. And this is possible, when both partners are voluntarily developing and investing in contacts.

 Swears in eternal love are not contributing for healthy relations...