A need to live..

 Am sure ,that hard time was been left  me ,,As on 2 y.old am lost my mum, on the war my dad is gone, we are three lived in small village,where survived a hungry, cold, and often cold..

But a lucky mistress not left me,am ended school, received middle education and high after, worked with press 25 years, published are 5 books, and ten ready to publish,am a honorary master in village,am happy,two of my sons grew,and they are having 4 sons and one daughter am not worried for my destiny, celebrated 82 y.old and fought diseases,and not worried about death.. As one day on 17 November called me from a hospital,that my son dead of acute peritonitis,we are parents shocked,as he lives on 4 km from us and never knew,that he entered in reanimation as true strong hit,like a stone on head, as dead a most dear person a father, as for two sons and daughter and small grandchildren. As his hands are awesome,worked on the bread factory,accounter,as very strong walked on winter in snow and ice ,build house, garden, and sport playground,as live to live..Am thought,that all tears are ran out in my childhood hard,as eyes keeping for all time a dry, but these are all happened differently.. And here is bad weather, rain,snow as cold west wind, depression,headache, bad sleep, appetite,fear,worry , bad mood,and tiredness and here is a terrible word as live or not to live? Why he is and not a me, as on 30 years is younger ,as he had a big work as father and grandfather, but what is it in this age in me?As a third of my pension is not bad..As spending a time on chemistry,as needing pills for brain as xarelto, sotalol against arrhythmia,begistin against destroy vestibular apparatus,afobazol against stress, proflosin as adenoma calming, gel troxerutin against veins on the legs, noliprel as for heart,as one day with my despair I wanted they are put in trash , but what is for future? As alive you will not lie in coffin, but my relatives are also will cry , which a best exit from a deadlock.A few times called me for visit to neurologist, therapeutist, but from registry  answered,that doctor is sick. Neurologist is busy, but today is a very scary visit to doctors. And here am though,that does am used all organism reserves?As preventing depression in all hard circumstances.And of course not an all, as am a not indifferent collected all zoz issues  as especially By Stephan Changa books as a how to stop worry,and begin live a life... And Carnegie for a full cleaning, healing body and soul, by Semjenova as National healthy encyclopedia ,as a few am used and felt hope as on a pharmacy wisdoms,as theirs easy and faster use and these for the time being got away with it . As today am angry,that not attended, on my health am decided used this wisdom advice by Tohiri as a health is a hard work a which you need engaging everyday. As for improving work a vestibular apparatus am using advices by Chehonia if my head is going around...,doing physical exercises,walking, learned gymnastic for head and neck ,and for three times a day using 20 drops crataegus infusion with mint, by Antonovskaja ,when in head is trash.. am used a method for cleaning vessels as chopped 3 lemons, 3 garlics and two tbl.sp. honey in 3 l. of boiled water.And infused three days,filtered,use on 50 ml. for 2 times a day.As for remove proflosin am used method for adenoma cure by Tohiri as 100 ml. of milk with ampule aloe, 3 drops iodine, one tbl.sp. honey, and this remedy am used for micro enemas,as am entered as 15 for night. As left leg hurt after fallen on ice road for 6 years ago and a miracle grandma s rubbing helped me against ache joints. As every day for night rubbed. Am tired with put up are low extremities cold, and here is recipe by Mitina as yoga helped me fought are cold legs. As doing these easy exercises and feeling a help. As for my belly thin returned,am streamline meal and using scales,prepared twigs of viburnum with berries ,they are good with honey as best cold against a remedy,and on autumn preparing walnuts as 5 pieces on an every morning till april. A scar from these tragedies always keeping in my heart, life is such.. am need to live on any age,as my younger son living in Krasnodar,where is hard with work, for my grandchildren  and great grandchildren,yes a need to live...